Of Salt and Batter-y
by iwritebadbutdealwithit98
Summary: Adrien is in constant danger and needs a stand-in bodyguard! But who could possibly replace Gorilla, and on such short notice?


Dark brown. No, definitely black. So black that when the light hit just right, it almost looked blue. Her eyes… he hadn't seen her eyes. The girl in the red hoodie. The shadows from her hood hid everything but the tip of her nose, her parted lips, and a lock of hair - flying with her movement. Adrien had only caught a glimpse of her before she ran off.

All he knew was that she was the only reason he was still alive.

-

Adrien knew that even a bodyguard deserved some time off. Especially for a funeral. And if he was being honest, as nice of a guy Gorilla was, it was nice to have some time apart from him. It was hard having his bodyguard shadow him everywhere. He was always scaring people, and he would lose his temper easily. Sometimes he had second thoughts about going out. Just his friends, himself, and a brick wall. Even when he just stayed in the car he would park from a close distance, constantly staring as if at any given moment someone was going to pull a knife on Adrien.

Gorilla seemed to let his guard down around Adrien's close friends, but went a step further when it came to Marinette; he was particularly fond of her. Adrien couldn't blame him - Marinette was the sweetest and softest girl he'd ever met. Even his father was kind to her; she wouldn't hurt a fly. Which is why Adrien was nothing short of shocked at the sight in front of him.

He had slipped away at the end of a photoshoot - hoping for a little adventure before he was inevitably shoved back into his room - when he heard the commotion on the corner of a small street.

* * *

Adrien stopped short, ducking behind a poster of himself. "Ok, before I jump in and help I'd better call the police," he dialed into his phone, deciding he'd most likely need more than the police soon enough, "hello, is this 112? Yeah, there are these punks ganging up on an old man and a young girl I- woah!" Adrien ignored the voice on the phone as he watched in awe.

Marinette slapped the man that approached her. His jaw cracked, twisting his face unnaturally as he flew thirty feet into the air. Two more men charged forward, then froze inches in front of her and wailed; their toes crushed under delicate pink flats. With a shove, they crashed into a dumpster. With each gangster she took down, more would follow. She didn't even break a sweat.

Grabbing one by the belt, Marinette lifted him and he rocketed into the clouds. Another received a hefty punch to the gut and found himself cradled in a bent streetlight. Out from the massage parlor came the last one, presumably the leader.

He looked around and took it all in. "What's going on here?"

"DON'T FIGHT HER! DON'T FIGHT HER!" one of the members shouted in reply, a bright red hand print decorating his swollen cheek to match his seven missing teeth.

"Excuse me, Sir," Marinette strolled calmly to the leader, "you're going to have to pay for the damage you did to this man's home, and apologize."

The leader laughed. "You must be out of your mind," he shoved her aside, "go home, little girl. Kids these days…"

"I'm not asking, I'm telling," Marinette grabbed his sleeve as he tried to walk by.

"Didn't your mother tell you to listen the first time?" he raised his hand to strike Marinette. Adrien flinched, murmuring something into the phone before hanging up and instinctively running out to stop him.

She grabbed his hand mid-air and sighed, pushing his knuckles backward until they snapped and bent oddly. He screamed, falling to his knees and staring bewilderedly at his misshapen hand.

Marinette winced, "Oh, oh! I'm sorry… ah, here let me help.." she did her best to carefully bring the fingers back upright; he screamed louder. "Oh… you shouldn't have tried to hit me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry… oh dear…"

The leader growled and tried to hit her again. Without a second thought, Marinette crushed his hand back again. She turned her head as she heard approaching sirens.

* * *

"So, you're telling me," Officer Raincomprix took his eyes from the large group of bandaged men to glance at Marinette, "this young lady did this to you?"

"Yes, can't you see? She has evil in her eyes…" the rest of the group murmured in agreement.

Marinette looked down at her lap and said nothing.

"Is this true, Miss Dupain-Cheng?"

She cleared her throat, "I-"

"Of course, it's true! How do you think this happened?!" the gang started to get rowdy.

Someone clicked their tongue from behind them. "Honestly, how shameless and cowardly of an excuse," Marinette whirled around to find the source of the new voice, "this is how you try to avoid arrest?"

She looked them over. A boy around her age, shaggy blond hair and vibrant green eyes framed by black stylistic nerd glasses. He wore an open black button down - slightly large on him with rolled up long sleeves - with a moss green shirt underneath, ripped black skinny jeans and black Doc Martens. "Who are you?"

"Wha-? I'm-"

"Are you saying these men are falsely accusing her?" Officer Raincomprix interrupted.

Adrien leaned on the desk, "Officer, please, all due respect, but do you really think a cute girl like this-" Marinette raised an insulted eyebrow, "-could harm five grown men? They did this to each other." The gang started to protest.

"Well…" the officer turned to Marinette, "and you say you don't know this boy?"

She pointed her thumb at Adrien, "Him? No, he's a creep… although he's fashionable, I'll give him that," her eyes swept over him once more, "you look straight out of a magazine."

Adrien blinked. "...Seriously?"

"Hmm… I suppose a stranger wouldn't have any reason to try and help you. And, it's true, it really is ridiculous to blame you, Marinette," Officer Raincomprix chuckled, "worst thing you've done is steal a bracelet - which you didn't actually steal," he winked.

Adrien walked out of the police station with Marinette. She was several strides ahead of him and hadn't spoken a word of thanks or otherwise.

"Uh-"

"Why would you lie?" Marinette stopped and turned to face the mysterious fashionable boy in black.

"What?! I helped you get out of trouble!"

"So, why did you do that for me? You lied because you thought I was a 'cute girl'? You should be ashamed of yourself." Marinette turned slowly and walked away.

Adrien watched her leave, feet glued to the ground. "Wow… she sure is something," he smiled.

* * *

Marinette's phone rang early in the morning… on a Saturday. Already irritable, she grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. Unknown. She grumbled, declined, and curled back in bed. Seconds later it rang again, the same caller. She declined it again, switched to silent and- it started to ring again.

"What the-" Marinette sighed, answering the phone, "hello?"

"Hey! Sorry, were you sleeping? You sound-"

"Wait a minute, you're… you're that annoying guy! It's been like a week, why are you still bothering me? And how did you get my number?!"

The annoying guy paused for a brief moment, then chuckled. "I… have influence on the police?"

"The police don't disclose that type of information."

"Look, I need your help. I'm in danger and I couldn't think of anyone better than you. I'll send you my address."

Marinette pulled the phone from her ear as she peered at the message notification. "You expect me to run over to the house of a creepy stranger just because he claims he needs help?"

"We aren't strangers-"

"Who knows what plans are running through your crazy mind."

"Nothing, I promise! I'm being honest, I really need you. Besides, you could snap me in two just by looking at me, I'm harmless."

"That sounds just like something a murderer would say."

"I could be murdered if I have no one to protect me."

"Then why don't you tell the police?"

"I… I can't."

"Because you don't want them on your case."

"No! Marinette, I showed them my face, I went to the station. Why would I do that if I had sinister motives?"

"I watched a show where that's exactly what kept the murderer off the suspect list… in fact… he came in and played a witness! Oh my God-"

"Waitwaitwait- ok, let me stop beating around the bush, it's me, A-"

Marinette hung up and threw her phone across the bed, breathing heavily. She had been standing next to a murderer. A murderer had her phone number. And she now had the address of a murderer! Maybe she should pay him a visit after all, but only after contacting the police to set up an ambush.

Marinette shivered and grabbed her phone, "Address, address, address…" she stared at the screen, "wait, isn't this-"

* * *

"Adrien?!" Marinette gawked as her memory was confirmed. She had recognized the address but part of her hoped she was remembering incorrectly. It could've been familiar for any reason. It could've been Alix's address, it could've been Rose's… but no. Here she was at the front gate of the Agreste mansion.

Adrien sighed with relief. "So you decided to come after all."

"I- you… you, you, you-"

"Yeah, I'm the one you called a fashionable creep murderer."

"You saw me!"

Adrien blinked. "Yes?"

Marinette's face suddenly scrunched into a scowl, she stormed up to him. "Why didn't you just tell me who you were?!"

"Well first of all, I wasn't… initially intending to hide who I was. I was only wearing glasses. Second, I tried to tell you, but you hung up and called me a murderer."

She groaned, dragging her hand down her face. "Exactly! You're lucky I recognized the address, I nearly called the police on you! You should've said you were Adrien from the beginning of the call, I don't have your number!"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I thought you'd have recognized the address. Plus I thought it'd be fun to see your reaction- you know, before the murderer thing."

"Oh, right, because an address is much more efficient than, 'oh, hey, it's Adrien!'" Marinette mocked his voice.

Adrien watched her, he couldn't help but giggle.

"What's so funny?" Marinette gave a light smack to his arm.

"Nothing, it's just... you."

She smacked his arm again, "What about me?" and again.

Adrien smiled, "Ow! Hey, you know there are security cameras. This won't be good if you want to be hired."

"Huh?" Marinette froze.

"Marinette, I want you to be my bodyguard." 


End file.
